Growing up, my parents bought me a Sega Genesis, and I played the heck out of it. I only had a small collection of games at the time, but one stands out in my mind as being both my favorite game, and the bane of my childhood existence. Earthworm Jim!
We haven’t even started and you’ve already embarrassed yourself
During the mid 90’s, Earthworm Jim was the man. He was so popular he even had a successful cartoon show. Well… he had A cartoon show… Anyway, after the 90’s past, Earthworm Jim just kind of faded away with it. It’s kind of sad really. I have so many good memories playing his games. Never got very far before I ran out of lives, but still enjoyed it.
our hero earthworm jim
Earthworm Jim came out back in the good days when games still came with instruction manuals. Thanks to that manual, we get a little back story before we play. Jim used to be a normal earthworm, doing normal earthworm things, mostly hiding from crows who would try to eat him.
a face even a mother couldn’t love
Meanwhile, in space, the bounty hunter Psy-Crow is trying to recover an ultra-high-tech-indestructible-super-space-cyber-suit that has been stole from the evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug for a Butt (AKA Queen Slug for a Butt). After blowing up the renegade ship, the suit falls to earth. Jim sticks his head out of his hiding hole just as the suit comes crashing to the ground. Positioned safely within the suit’s neck hole, Jim is instantly evolved into a higher life form. Psy-Crow lands on Earth soon after looking to recover the suit.
rescue her jim!
This is when Jim overhears Psy-Crow talking to Queen Slug for a Butt, and learns that the queen has imprisoned her beautiful sister, Princess-What’s-Her-Name, and plans to use the suit herself to become the beautiful one. After hearing this, Jim takes it upon himself to rescue the beautiful Princess-What’s-Her-Name.
Now the game can properly begin. You start off in New Junk City, a junk yard with WAY too many tires scattered around.
It doesn’t take long before Jim is attacked by enemies in the form of crows, who will try to eat Jim…
no babies for poor jim
And a guard dog named Fifi who will bite Jim’s, um, special area… Do worms even have a special area?
whip it good
Jim isn’t defenseless though. He can use his own worm body as a whip…
i’d do the same thing if a dog bit me down there
Or blast enemies away with his plasma gun.
Continuing to the right brings us to my favorite part of pretty much the whole game. The cow launch! Just whip the fridge, and it will fall on to the log and…
see you on the moon
COW LAUNCH!!! I think this just perfectly shows the random insanity that is to follow for the rest of the game. There’s no point to it other than to make you laugh.
Launching the cow opens up the rest of the junk yard and its mountain of tires. They are EXTREMELY bouncy and will have Jim hopping around the screen in no time.
when you gotta go, you don’t need a stall
Having to replay this level so many times as a kid, I at some point figured out that I could swing on this moose antler and use this toilet to teleport pretty much straight to the end of the level.
The toilet teleports you to this room with several Mega Plasma Blasters and is positioned directly below the mid boss.
Jump up and you’ll start your fight with this trashcan enemy thing. Of course you would, you’re in a junk yard. It has to be a trash monster.
As you fight the trashcan, he’ll occasionally stomp the ground, causing tubas to randomly fall on top of you. Why tubas? Because that’s the kind of messed up game this is going to be.
death count: 2
After enough damage, he’ll transform into more of a tank like shape, and start shooting anvils at you. Before long, the trashcan will explode, and you’re free to continue.
come down here and fight
Now it’s time to fight Chuck, the junk yard owner. This fat blob has become so massive that he apparently can only move by riding this rail.
seriously chuck, learn to chew your food
He can’t even attack you properly. Instead he throws up his food at you.
thank you stranger operating the magnet
Occasionally some unseen friend will drop a box for you from the rail. Whip this box onto the spring to do some serious damage to Chuck.
death count: 4
Rinse and repeat until Chuck finally explodes.
is that a rocket in your pocket?
Then Jim pulls out a rocket…from… somewhere… Where were you hiding that rocket Jim? And why did we even have to do this whole level if you were just going to whip it out whenever you wanted. Oh god I should stop now.
Good Job. We escaped New Junk City.
Blasting off into space Jim is soon confronted by Psy-Crow, and we start a between levels mini game. Andy’s Asteroids is a space race between you and Psy-Crow.
i know he’s a crow. but i always called him a space chicken
As you speed through space to the next level, you have to avoid crashing into asteroids and maybe try to ram Psy-Crow into them.
If you fail to beat Psy-Crow to the end, you’ll have to fight him on the planet’s surface before you can start the next level. He’s not very hard, just a little annoying.
Death Count So Far: 4
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