Monopoly (NES)

Ok, let’s be honest right from the start. The game is Monopoly. You already know what it’s like. So, while I WILL be reviewing the game, this article is also largely going to be just a random thoughts blog post.  Once again, I have failed to post anything else of note this year, so I want to get something up quickly. If that’s not for you, just skip to the bottom to check out the bullet points, and have a nice day. We’ll try again next year. Everyone else, thank you for joining me on whatever this article becomes.

So, at this point, Monopoly has been ported to virtually every console ever created. Sometimes multiple times to the same console. I’m pretty sure the Nintendo Switch has 3 at this point. Not to mention the dozens of different versions of the physical board game where it all started. Honestly, if you haven’t actually played Monopoly, or at least know how to play Monopoly, what are you doing with your life? That said, we all know why we would spend $40+ for a digital version of a $15 board game, all the cut scenes that simply can’t be recreated in the cardboard version. But this is the NES version, so I wonder how much they actually managed to pack in here. I guess we’ll find out.

Gameplay

First things first. How many players? I want this to be a quick game, so I’ll just keep it as 2 players. I’m sure there is some history behind the different player tokens we can choose from, but they always seemed so random to me. Of these choices, I guess I’ll be the car.

As for the computer character, there were a handful of choices. In the end, I chose to play against Carmen, because she made me think of Carmen Sandiego.

And of course, one of the staples of Monopoly is house rules. You obviously don’t have the freedom you would in real life, but there are still a handful of custom rules you can set for the game. For the sake of this review, however, we’re going to stick with all the default options.

Carmen wins the right to go first, the game begins… and she goes straight to jail in her first turn. Bad luck.

Meanwhile, we land on Reading Railroad and buy the first property of the game. While I did buy the property outright, I am reminded that we always have the option to put it up for auction instead. Maybe get it for a discount. But that does open the risk of someone else buying it out from under us.

Speak of the devil. After leaving jail, Carmen rounds the corner to Kentucky Avenue and puts it up for auction. Naturally, we buy it instead, even getting a slight discount on it.

And so, the game continues, each of us rounding the board buying up whatever properties we land on. Occasionally landing on and Community Chest or Chance space and doing whatever the card says.

Anyway, how is everyone? It’s been a busy year for me. I’m still working 70 hours weeks at work. So there really hasn’t been a lot of free time to play video games. When I did find time, I was mostly playing Pokémon trying to create a complete living Pokédex in Scarlet and Violet, which I succeeded at.

Outside of work, I’ve also been helping out a little bit with the Zentreya VODs YouTube Channel. If you don’t watch Zentreya already, go check her out, I think she’s really fun to watch.

Other than that, … I really haven’t had much time for anything other than that. Work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, every day. I guess I live a fairly boring life…

Maybe this won’t be such a long blog after all… I really don’t have a lot to talk about… Maybe next year will be more exciting…

Back to the game, I guess. Somehow, I managed to buy all 3 of the red properties. So, I get to be the first person to start building houses to drive up rent when someone lands on them.

Unfortunately, a few turns later is when I messed up and put in motion the beginning of my downfall. After landing on Park Place, I didn’t have enough money to buy it. I also failed to read and didn’t know how to open the menu to mortgage properties, so I put it up for auction. Predictably, Carmen bought it for quite the bargain of $69 (nice).

A few more turns go by, and eventually I land on Carmen’s properties and don’t have the money to pay the rent. It’s too early to declare bankruptcy, so we decided to mortgage a few properties for some quick money. Here, we see one of my biggest complaints about the game. It’s not clear at all what properties I actually own. ALL of the properties are highlighted on this screen. Thankfully, it only lets me select my own properties, but would it have been so hard to grey own the ones that aren’t mine?

Several more turns go by. I had hoped I could make a few laps around the board to build up some funds passing go, but I never seemed to have any luck. Then the worst thing possible happened when Carmen landed on Boardwalk.

Thankfully she couldn’t afford it and put it up for auction. She already has Park Place, I can’t let her have both the highest properties. This time, however, I figured out I can open the menu during the auction to mortgage properties. With this, I managed to steal Boardwalk from her.

Naturally, Carmen opens up a trade offer right away trying to get it from me. I thought I was trolling by suggesting I would give her Boardwalk in exchange for Park Place, but since that actually is an ever so slightly advantageous trade, she accepts. Something I regret instantly as I land on a Chance card that sends me directly to Boardwalk, forcing me to pay her rent.

As play continues, I end up in Jail while Carmen secures the last orange property and builds houses on them. That corner is dangerous for both of us now.

Carmen continues to have all the luck, as she collects money on a chance card and builds even more houses on those orange properties….

Naturally, I just happen to land directly onto those newly built houses. At this point, most of my properties are mortgaged, so I don’t have much chance of making any money other than from passing go.

And of course, Carmen uses my rent money to just build MORE houses on those orange properties…

I get a small victory when Carmen lands on one of my red houses. And I use that money to build houses on my yellow properties as well. Now that whole top side has my houses on them.

Unfortunately, that small victory was short lived as I landed on THAT SAME ORANGE PROPERTY. Now with 3 houses on it, the rent is up to $600, and I’m forces to mortgage every one of my properties other than that top row.

AND SHE JUST BUILDS MORE HOUSES ON THEM!!!!

My luck fails yet again as I am forced to pay $40 per house I own. I have no money and the only way I can make money to pay for the houses is to sell those same houses. In the end, I only get to keep 2 of my houses on my yellow properties.

On the next turn I lose yet another one of those houses as I unfortunately land on the Luxury Tax space and am forced to pay $75.

Carmen, however, just keeps raking in the money, and ends up building the first hotels of the game.

With nearly all my properties mortgages, and only a single house left, my only real option to make any money is to keep passing go. But I can’t even do that right as I land on the Income tax space, being forced to pay back the $200 I just made from passing go…

Meanwhile, Carmen just keeps getting more money and puts hotels on the other two orange properties.

I held off bankruptcy momentarily, passing go a few times, even buying back a few houses. But it ultimately doesn’t matter. I land on one of those hotels and have to pay $950 rent. I’m forced to sell all of my houses and mortgage all of my properties to afford it.

Another lap around the board and I land on those stupid hotels again. I have no other options, I have to trade properties with carmen just to stay in the game. It’s not a good deal for me, but it’s the best deal she would agree to.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I ROLL A 2 AND LAND ON ANOTHER HOTEL!? I HATE THIS GAME! I CAN’T EVEN FLIP THE TABLE AND WALK AWAY LIKE ALL REAL GAMES OF MONOPOLY END!!!!

Verdict

Gameplay – 5 / 10

As far as recreating the board game is concerned, this port did a rather faithful job. Unfortunately, it didn’t really do anything that the board game didn’t. Combined with the graphical limitations, it might actually be worse than the original board game. Considering the price difference there must have been at the time of release compared to the board game, that’s simply unacceptable. The only advantage I can really give to the game is the ability to play against the computer if you don’t have anyone else to play with.

Graphics – 3 / 10

Unlike the gameplay, which can be considered close enough, the graphics are a clear downgrade. The extremely pixelated graphics of the NES, which are usually forgiven for other games, simply can’t be ignored when comparing it to a physical board game. The cards were harder to read, and it was often difficult to know the status of owned properties. There also weren’t many animations outside of the pieces moving around the board. That’s really the main selling point of most video game adaptations of board games. It’s literally the defining feature of a video game that the physical board game can’t replicate.

Audio – 4 / 10

The audio was pleasant enough, though nothing particularly memorable. It did its job of setting the mood and that’s about the best I can say for it.

Story – N/A

There really isn’t a “Story” to Monopoly. So, nothing to report here.

Total Playtime – 0h 48m

In general, I’d consider my game to have been a relatively quick game. The more real players you have, the longer it will take. And if I hadn’t landed on 3 hotels in a row, my game easily could have gone on longer. Also, it’s very replayable, since it’s just a board game. It never plays the same way twice.

Total Deaths – 1 Death

Technically not dead, but forced into bankruptcy. Which means I’ll be homeless and probably die in the streets. So, I’m counting it as a death.

Overall Score – 4 / 10

I hate to do this, because Monopoly is such a beloved game. But the NES port simply isn’t worth it. At least not anymore. At the time, when it was the only digital option, you could make an argument that the computer players added value to the game. But now, when there are dozens upon dozens of versions to choose from, this one simply doesn’t stand up. It recreated the gameplay of the board game faithfully, and that’s about it. There just isn’t really anything beyond that to praise here.

 

I hate you, Carmen!

I hope you enjoyed Monopoly (NES). If you did, like and follow me on Facebook or Twitter. Also leave your comments, suggestions, and recommendations. If you’re feeling real generous, you can even Donate to help me keep the site going. Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next time.