Welcome to my first video game summary review. I am DeadPark. I love to play video games but I am admittedly very bad at them.
Lord Goomba. The Destroyer!
Death Count: Too high for human comprehension
Anyway, I will be playing games and giving a summary and review of the game, as well as giving a death count of the many, many…many times I will end up dying while playing.
So for my first game, I thought I’d go with a classic. Pac-Man.
Everyone knows and loves Pac-Man. Even people that don’t play video games at least KNOW of Pac-Man, and despite the graphic violence of eating your enemies and leaving only their eyes behind, Pac-Man is just so awesome that no protest groups ever seem to care (Unlike GTA and Call of Duty and the likes).
Pac-man has also had numerous clones and spin-offs and continues to be a gaming icon. So with that in mind, I’m going to play “Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures” on the SNES. The true sequel to the original Pac-Man. It has to be. Just look at the “2” in the name. So I can only imagine this is going to be every bit as wonderful as the original arcade version… right?
The Face of Awesomeness
Sadly, no. Pac-Man 2 is nothing like the arcade game. It’s mostly a point and click adventure game… that hates you. You have no control over Pac-Man himself. Instead you play as God and are equipped with a slingshot and a never ending hatred for your more retarded creations. You shoot stuff around Pac-Man to attempt to get his attention and hope he interacts with it the way you want… usually not (Which is when you start shooting Pac-Man himself for annoying you).
Should have listened
Anyway, after you finish the brief tutorial, you enter Pac-Man’s house to find Ms. Pacman with Pac-Baby.
Sure. You’ll marry him. But you won’t drop the Ms. for Mrs.
She tells you that Pac-Baby needs milk, and you have to go get some. So off we go to find some milk. Having no idea where milk might be. I let Pac-Man pick were we go. He started walking left, so left we went.
To the left we entered a small neighborhood. Stole some apples from a tree, and tip-toed past the sleeping dog which would no doubt murder poor Pac-Man if I woke it up. Just past there we saw a wonderful sign telling me where to get milk.
Helpful sign is helpful
So now that we know milk is the other way. We can begin our hatred of this stupid yellow ball. He won’t stop walking to the left. I shot the sign, he read the sign, but still he goes left. WHY?!
Shooting this bird didn’t really help the case. It just attacked Pac-Man and made him run even further to the left and into the next screen.
Death count: 8
The next screen, of course, being filled with instant death by tripping on a rock and then a skateboard. Pac-Man would die over…
Death Count: 23
Death Count: 27
Again. There was nothing I could do. You only get 2 seconds to act before he trips over that rock and dies. 10 minutes into the game and 30 deaths later I decided I’m either doing something wrong or I’m just a worse gamer than I though. Really either is possible. So a quick google search for a copy of the user manual later, yes, I was doing something wrong: The look command.
Go That Way!
Death Count: 30
Not mentioned at all in the tutorial, this command lets me at least tell Pac-Man where to go, finally ending the cycle of death that is this screen. So back through the neighborhood, back to the house, out the right exit, and we’re finally on our way to getting some milk. Our first puzzle is a farmer sleeping in front of his barn. How will we get past him?
By brutally murdering him with a falling hay bale, of course. That’s what you get for being a lazy farmer. Now that the farmer is out of the way, onward to find some milk. Just past the barn is a cow, our source of milk, and an empty bottle to carry it in.
Unfortunately our little round hero is too short to reach the bottle. But not to worry…
One attack by crow later and the bottle has fallen to the ground and we are ready to get our milk from the cow.
Death count: 32
Milk in hand. We return home to the family, and no questions will be asked about where or how Pac-Man obtained this milk.
Don’t know who this is. But she hates Pac-Man for some reason. Can’t say I blame her.
Pac-Man Looks so happy about Lucy’s Birthday
On to our next adventure. It’s Lucy’s birthday and she wants a mountain flower. So it’s up to Pac-Man to get her one. Of course it is. There’s nowhere safer for Pac-Man than the top of a mountain.
After a short ride up the cable car, it doesn’t take long for Pac-Man to find the many dangers of the mountain…
death count: 33
death count: 35
death count: 36
And the most dangerous of all mountain hazards, death by caterpillars.
Avoiding the death caterpillars, Pac-Man eventually finds his favorite thing ever, a hang glider. Remember how happy he looked hang gliding on the cover?
Get the counter ready, time to add a couple dozen deaths to the total…
It jumped out of nowhere!
death count: 38
Death by tree…
Hang glinding in a falling rock zone… Seems safe
death count: 41
Death by rocks…
NOT THE FACE!!!
death count: 44
Death by ghosts…
Where is the “don’t die” button?
death count: 47
Death by forgetting which button to press….
death count: 48
Eventually Pac-Man makes it to the other side. Who is Lucy anyway that he’s willing to die this many times for her?
Now lost in the mountains, Pac-Man starts pulling on vines to see what happens, because why not. This only makes him upset as he continues looking for flowers.
Watch one too many roadrunner cartoons?
death count: 49
So upset actually, that he skips the flowers entirely and walks off a cliff.
A little happier this time around, Pac-Man picks a flower for Lucy and we can return home… somehow…
Pulling on a few more vines uncovers a rabbit hole… which the local rabbits spend no time waiting to murder Pac-Man in.
So worth it…
Falling back to the mountain entrance we can finally go home with the flower and give Lucy her birthday present.
Still don’t know who this person is…
Total Death Count So Far: 49 Deaths