Welcome to Heck! I love this level.
The background music alone is its own little joke. It starts out with a clip from “Night on Bald Mountain”, a nice dark song deserving of being Heck’s theme, but after a record scratch, it quickly switches to mellow elevator music with the occasional torture scream.
don’t stop running
Obviously being based on Hell, Planet Heck is filled with fire. So much so that the ground with occasionally erupt with fire and chase Jim through the stage.
i wonder if it wants to be my friend
And what types of enemies would you expect to find in Heck? Of course shadow demons…
i guess snowballs stand a very good chance in hell
death count: 5
And what version of hell would be complete without evil snowmen?
see how evil he is as he grooms himself
Making your way through this level can be tough at time, but eventually you’ll fight the ruler of Heck himself, Evil the Cat!
Evil the Cat has stolen Jim’s suit, and plans to use it to spread his evil throughout the universe. Jim needs to recover the suit quickly, but there isn’t much he can do with Evil the Cat shooting fire balls at him.
Stay alive long enough, and the fire balls will burn away at the support pillar, making it come crashing down. With your suit recovered, it’s time to teach this cat a lesson. Evil the Cat will hide in the shadows until he’s ready to attack.
cats are a bit more difficult to train than dogs
When he does reveal himself, you have to be quick to attack him before he gets you.
death count: 7
Being a cat, he has 9 lives, and you’re going to have to take all of them to win this fight.
With Evil the Cat taken care of, we’re done with Heck, and we’re off to the next planet.
Down the tubes is the underwater lair of Bob and Goldfish. Along with his mind controlled cat drone #4, Bob plans to steal Jim’s suit to make himself the ruler of the universe. A common ambition apparently.
Bob’s drones don’t make it easy either. They are immune to all damage, and will seriously mess Jim up if he gets too close. Grabbing him, and punching him in the face.
they’ll never find me here
Lucky for Jim, these overly muscular cats seem to lack a neck of any kind, and are incapable of looking up. This allows Jim to hide in the small domes above them and wait for them to pass.
These little guys aren’t any easier to get past. They will slam poor Jim around like a rag doll. They are, however, much more fun to get past.
it’s hamtaro time!
Just open the cage to the giant hamster…
Then ride on its back while it eats the little bastards!
This brings us to the torture of my childhood years, the dreaded glass submarine. What makes the submarine so hard is that you don’t control it directly. Instead, you rotate the thrusters and in bursts can cause the ship to drift in that direction. That wouldn’t be so bad, but you also have limited air, so you have to go fast, or you’ll suffocate.
Unfortunately, by the nature of it being made of glass, if you hit the walls too many times, the dome will break, and you will die. The combination of all three of these created a challenge that my childhood self could never beat. I never once got to face off with Bob the Goldfish. By extension, I never got to see the second half of the game. THAT ENDS NOW!!!
death count: 11
That was practice…
death count: 14
Um, do over…
death count: 17
Sun was in my eyes…
death count: 19
THAT ENDS NOW!!! I AM THE GREATEST GAMER ALIVE!!!
we meet again. for the first time. for the last time.
Now to confront Bob the Goldfish, evil mastermind, destroyer of childhood dreams. Just look at him. So evil! This shall be my greatest battle ever!
let the epic battle begin
…What? … Just one whip and he’s dead? I feel cheated. He was to be my greatest foe. My childhood… wasted…
good bye my rival
Moving on from my shattered childhood revenge fantasies…
We make our way to “Snot a Problem” where Jim will be bungee jumping with Major Mucus.
death count: 24
This level is pretty straight forward. Cause enough damage to Major Mucus by slamming him into the wall until his snot cord breaks, before he does the same to you.
it’s not that bad… OH GOD!!
death count: 27
To make things worse, if you hang too close to Mucus Phlegm Brain lurking in the snot pool below, he might just jump out and grab you.
death count: 29
Break Major Mucus’ snot cord three time and we can leave this booger planet.
Welcome to the very creatively named 5th level, “Level 5”.
This area is the secret lab of Professor-Monkey-for-a-Head, creator of Jim’s suit. What kind of enemies will we find in the good professor’s lab?
WHO WOULD LEAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD BRAIN JUST LYING AROUND
BRAINS!!! BRAINS EVERYWHERE!!!
death count: 32
Are those flying green brains that explode into worms? That’s seriously creepy.
I DON’T THINK THEY SEE ME
OH GOD! There’s floating eyeballs everywhere now.
death count: 36
Jim has been removed from his suit when he got stuck in the fans. GET BACK IN THERE JIM! YOU’RE USELESS WITHOUT YOUR SUIT!
So that’s Professor-Monkey-for-a-Head….well…he certainly does seem to have a monkey for a head…
I don’t know where I am right now. I think I found a secret area. It’s really dark here and full of evil eyes. Is that Evil the Cat? Is he mad at me for killing him back in Heck?
NICE KITTY. JUST BACK AWAY SLOWLY
death count: 40
HE’S MAD! HE’S VERY MAD! I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT IT’S MAD AT ME! RUN JIM!
ALWAYS BE aware of your emergency exits
THE EXIT! I FOUND THE EXIT! NO MORE GIANT WHATEVER THAT IS IN THE DARK!
beep boop bop cluck
death count: 42
We never do get to have a true fight with Professor-Monkey-for-a-Head. Instead we have to face off against this robot chicken in free fall. Considering that this robot chicken is the boss of this level, he’s actually pretty easy. Avoid getting hit by him, or hitting the walls, and you’re good.
Death Count so Far: 42