–Day 19–

We may have made it out of Brickroad’s dungeon, but I think we still have a long way to go. We haven’t even made it to Stonehenge yet. As much as I would love to continue south through the woods, it looks like we’re going to be passing through yet another cave right away.

For the most part, it is a fairly straight forward cave. It isn’t until about the half-way point that we really come to the only challenge we’re going to face. With no other paths available to us, we need to make our way up the cliff walls. But there’s a problem, the rope is still coiled together at the top instead of dangling down for us to climb. This is where the monkey really comes in handy, give him a little piece of gum and he’ll float right up to get that rope for us.

While this may have been the only real obstacle we faced while passing through the cave, what lies ahead is more than I expected. I can’t really make out the enemy, but that is clearly an area boss similar to the Titanic Ant back in the caves by Giants Step. Jeff clearly isn’t ready for a battle of that magnitude, and thankfully he won’t have to face it yet. Without Ness in the party we’re incapable of initiating combat. We’ll just have to remember to come back here later.

Upon exiting the cave, the monkey catches the eye of a girl monkey, and the two run off together. Well, he more chases after her, but you get the idea. Now I’m all alone. At least it looks like we’ve actually made it to Stonehenge.

However, the rumors of there being Bigfoot in the area happened to be true, though I can’t say I was expecting their appearance. Instead of the large gorilla like appearance most people imagine, these are closer to being cavemen. They are incredibly strong and if it weren’t for their terrible accuracy, Jeff would almost certainly be no match for them.

Best not to test fate much longer, if I can just find the cave entrance I think we’ll be safe. I don’t exactly see anything that looks like an entrance, however, that bare spot in the center looks awfully suspicious. Sure enough that was the entrance we were looking for. It also appears to be yet another chance for a photo-op. smile and say “Secret underground tunnels!”

Unfortunately there’s nowhere to go once we head inside. After a very brief exploration of the tunnel our path is blocked by another large iron statue. This time however it isn’t a pencil, it’s an eraser. I guess now we’re going to have to look for an Eraser-Eraser if we want to go any further. So it looks like we’ll have to find a different route south from here.

Sadly, there isn’t much left for us to explore above ground. Just south of Stonehenge the path ends at the entrance to a lab, so naturally we head inside to look for help. I can’t say I was ready for what was inside though. It would appear we’ve stumbled into the lab of our very own father, Dr. Andonuts.

While usually the family reunions are a happy occasion, this is one of the most cringe worthy things I’ve ever had to endure. It’s painfully obvious that Dr. Andonuts hasn’t exactly been father of the year. He has been absent from Jeff’s life for the past 10 years, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in being a part of it now. After some awkward small talk, Dr. Andonuts suggests they should do this again in perhaps another 10 years.

In between the awkwardness however, the good doctor does offer us up some assistance. It would seem he is working on basically a teleportation device, but it’s not ready yet. Instead he suggests we use one of his other inventions, the Sky Walker. It’s apparently the round machine over in the corner. His instructions on how to use it are a bit vague, but I think we might still be able to handle it.

So we climb inside the Sky Walker and hope for the best as it shoots up into the air and out the top of the lab. As we fly, we occasionally dip down below the clouds to see the ground below. We see another city which I can only imagine is Fourside, as well as a desert which I know is just outside Threek.

Eventually we make it to Threek and start circling around town looking for Ness and Paula. After a few passes of the town the sensors on the Sky walker locate them in the center of the Graveyard. Now we just have to gently land the ship and go save them…Or crash it into the ground, crashing into the ground is fine too.

That may not have been the best choice Jeff! Now the Sky Walker is completely destroyed and you’re trapped right alongside Ness and Paula. Regardless, Jeff is now a part of the team and we can only hope to find some way out of this prison.

But for now, I’m going to let everyone rest and think of a good plan. Join us next time when we make our daring escape from monster prison!

–Day 18–

And so, our journey South is truly underway. Unfortunately for us, Jeff starts out incredibly weak at level 1. Doubly unfortunate for us is our first enemy encounter outside the school. Instead of running into a weak enemy like a spiteful crow, we end up running for our lives from a Gruff Goat. These happen to be the strongest enemies in the area, and this one nearly ends our adventure before it even begins.

I really have to be thankful for all those cookies I stole earlier, they really helped us right now. But what really saved us was the fact that Jeff was carrying around a Big Bottle Rocket in his pocket… That sounds wrong… Anyway, this did massive damage to the Gruff Goat and we survived to fight another day. We also managed to level up all the way to level 3 instantly from this one fight.

However, this fight made me realize something quite worrying. What are we going to do to recover health? Those cookies won’t last forever. We also can’t get back into the school to rest. I guess we could buy items at the shop, but without an ATM Card we have no way to withdraw any money.

Thankfully a couple of campers have set up a tent out in the woods. They’re nice enough to offer us some tea and let us rest for a while. I have a feeling we’re going to be visiting these campers quite often. At least until Jeff gains a few levels and can take care of himself.

As Jeff continues south, we come to the edge of Lake Tess where we find a rather large gathering of the “Tessie-Watching Club”. It would seem they’re all camping out in hopes of catching a glimpse of Tessie.

Sadly, none of them seem to have any true insight on the creature. However, one suggests that Tessie only shows up when it’s windy. Then another is quite confident that Tessie will show up tomorrow. Normally I would call them optimistic fanatics, but in games all rumors are true. So I should really look forward to seeing Tessie tomorrow.

Much like with the campers, the Tessie-Watching club is nice enough to share their provisions with us. This time the group’s chef is willing to let me have some of their stew and rest for the night. Of course, we can’t just lounge around while Ness and Paula are in danger. In fact, Paula reminds Jeff of their danger by contacting him telepathically during the night.

Also during the night, we learn about Jeff’s repair ability. Apparently this is something that will happen automatically whenever we sleep, assuming Jeff’s ability is high enough. In this case, Jeff managed to repair the Broken Spray Can into a can of Defense Spray. Now I know what to do with any broken items I find.

We awake the next morning and see that the wind is blowing, as indicated by the leaves blowing around now. That was of course one of the signs that Tessie would be showing up. Like I said, in games, all rumors are in fact true and Tessie is sure to show up today.

With Tessie’s arrival imminent, there’s only one thing to do, take pictures of everything. So naturally, the photographer shows up to take Jeff’s picture. It’s interesting, this is the first picture so far that won’t have Ness in it.

Anyway, now that Tessie has actually arrived, I have a brief panic attack. What if it’s a boss battle? There’s no way Jeff is high enough level right now for any kind of major boss battle. Oh no, that was probably why Jeff was already carrying that Big Bottle Rocket! I was supposed to hold onto it for exactly this battle.

Thankfully, no such boss battle takes place. After giving the monkey some gum, he floats over to Tessie’s head as it rises from the water. Then for no explained reason, Tessie allows Jeff to ride on her (I’m assuming it’s a her) back and across to the southern edge of the lake.

After dropping us off on the shore, Tessie simply leaves just as quickly as she arrived. I’m thankful for the assistance, but now I wish we could have spent more time with her. I’m actually a big fan of monsters like the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot and other creatures like that. Of well, we’ll just have to continue on without her.

Tessie may have given us a nice little ferry ride across the lake, but she didn’t exactly drop us off in an ideal spot. Just south of where we landed there is yet another Pencil-Shaped Iron Statue blocking our way. Without any other options, we are forced to make our way through the dungeon maze known as “Brickroad”.

Inside the maze, we once again have to face off against the Rowdy Mice. Just like before, these creatures have an unnaturally high chance to get critical hits. Thankfully the maze is stuffed full of presents full of items to keep my health up. It’s also not a very long or particularly complicated maze.

Even with the simplicity of the maze, there are still a few things that leave you with your guard up. Certain deceptions, like these monster infested present boxes. Normally I would expect the monster itself to be some kind of haunted present, but no. Instead we are attacked by some Worthless Protoplasm which are, well, worthless.

There is also a sign halfway through the maze warning you to watch out for falling materials. However, instead of anything dangerous falling from the sky, we are instead greeted by the photographer once again. Yet another first, not only is Ness not in this picture either, but this is also the first instance of us having two pictures taken in the same play session.

So after fighting some mad ducks and opening finding all the presents in the maze, we finally make our way to the exit. There’s even a phone here so you can save your progress. It would be such a shame to make it all this way and then lose everything.

As soon as we leave the dungeon we are confronted by the dungeon’s developer, Brickroad. Now this makes me question if the dungeon itself is also named Brickroad or if I just jumped to conclusions. Anyway, Brickroad tells us that he has devoted his life to creating dungeons by combining his skills with the intelligence of Dr. Andonuts. Oh good, he’s friends with Jeff’s dad.

After sharing his ambition to become “Dungeon Man”, the first ever combination of human and dungeon, he offers us up a good night’s rest. We gladly take him up on his offer, we could use some healing after the damage we took in that dungeon of his.

We still have quite a ways to go until we’ve rescued Ness and Paula. We haven’t even made it to Stonehenge yet. But that’s going to have to wait till next time. See you then.

–Day 17–

After yesterday, there actually isn’t a whole lot more to explore in this town. There are however two mysteries that stand out. First, there is apparently a Suspicious Woman walking around that has been seen with the zombies. And second, there is apparently a secret way out of town through the Graveyard.

The Graveyard is actually a pretty big area, so it’s a bit hard to choose where to search first. However, one oddity stood out to me, a lone tombstone outside the fenced areas at the end of a walkway. It just screamed secret tunnel. Instead what I got was YET ANOTHER photo-op for the mysterious cameraman.

So I guess that wasn’t the secret tunnel after all. That just means we’re going to have to search through the whole graveyard to find it. Of course, the graveyard is full of monsters, though perhaps not the kind you would expect. Instead of finding waves of zombies, we instead ended up fighting various trashcan monsters like the Putrid Moldyman and the Smelly Ghost.

These enemies were good for some nice experience, but not much help for finding any secret exits. As it turns out, I was over thinking the whole thing. The solution was in fact as simple as going to the far northwest edge of town past the graveyard. Unfortunately, the path is being guarded by a pair of monsters which stare into my soul.

These monsters won’t let us through, which is to be expected. However, they won’t fight us either, so I guess for now that path is still off limits. All that searching through the graveyard ultimately just made us tired, so we head back to the hotel for some rest. That’s when we get a lead on our other mystery, the Suspicious Woman. We see her walk into the hotel just ahead of us and we can’t help but follow her. Inside, all the hotel staff are missing and the music has become somewhat distorted. I think we’re onto something here.

This is very suspicious indeed. Naturally, we follow her through the hotel and right into her room. But it was a trap! As soon as we enter her hotel room, we’re surrounded by monsters. What have we gotten ourselves into?

The monsters quickly close in around us and knock us unconscious. Much to our dismay, it would seem we’ve been kidnapped and are now locked away in some underground cell. It would seem all hope is lost now.

As I was allowing despair to set in, Paula used her psychic powers to call out for help, just as she had done before to call me to her. This time however she is calling a new friend who we’ve never met, Jeff.

Far to the north, in the town of Winters, inside the Snow Wood Boarding House, Jeff manages to hear her calls for help. He might not know it yet, but he’s about to join us on our quest to save the world.

While trying to leave his dorm room, Jeff accidentally wakes up his roommate Tony. Thankfully, Tony is fully supportive of his running away from school to save the world. In fact he didn’t even give him a chance to explain that he needed to save the world. Maybe Tony just wants him to leave so he can have the room to himself.

Anyway, Tony does give us some good advice. It’s dangerous outside lately, so it would be best if we arm ourselves with equipment from the locker room. After this, he decides to join us in our search.

Considering it’s the middle of the night, it’s kind of surprising that so many people are awake and just hanging out in the hallways. Either way, we glean some helpful information off our fellow students. For one, we learn of Tessie, a mysterious creature that lives in the lake to the south. Obviously this is a nod to Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster.

In addition to that, we hear a rumor that there is an entrance at the center of Stonehenge. I can only hope that is the other end of the secret tunnel out of Threek. It looks like we have out next destination set for us. Let’s just hope the Bigfoot rumors aren’t anything to worry about.

We also had a bit of evil fun when we entered one of the other dorm rooms. Apparently tomorrow is Tony’s birthday, so one of the other classmates was wrapping up cookies as presents to give out at the party tomorrow. That’s so nice of them. It would be a shame is someone came along and opened all of those presents.

There isn’t much else to do inside the boarding house, so make our way to the locker room. Unfortunately, every locker seems to be locked. Who would have thought? Thankfully, there is one other person in the school willing to help us, Maxwell. After gushing to us about how great Jeff’s father is, he offers us the key to the lockers.

Something doesn’t seem quite right thought, this key looks all bent. Sure enough, the key is too badly damaged to actually open any of the lockers. I hope Maxwell knows how to fix this.

Lucky for us, he already knew this might happen. So while we were out he invented the “Machine that Opens Doors, especially when you have a slightly bad key” which is, well, a machine that opens doors, especially when you have a slightly bad key.

Maxwell also gives us some life advice in the process. As the son of the great Dr. Andonuts, we should be able to fix small tools like this on our own eventually. That really shines some light on what Jeff’s role in the party will be. He’ll be the nerdy mechanic.

Anyway, Now that we have the Bad Key Machine, it’s time to raid the locker room for supplies. There isn’t a whole lot to choose from. Just a Holmes Hat for a little protection, and a Pop gun to defend ourselves with. There’s also a Broken Air Gun in one of the lockers. It’s obvious that Jeff should be able to fix this, but I can’t figure out how. I’ll just have to hold onto it for a while until I figure it out.

We’re finally equipped and ready to tackle the world outside the Boarding House. That means we’re going to have to jump the fence. Tony is willing to give us a boost, but that unfortunately means he’s going to be left behind and we’re going to have to go on alone.

Outside the gate, the first thing we come across is a small shop. Jeff doesn’t really have any money right now. And even if he did, everything is really expensive here. I’ll have to come back here at some point after I meet up with the rest of the party.

There is however a lady that is VERY insistent that we buy some gum and get a free monkey. That’s an odd promotion, but who am I to judge. As it so happens, I have always wanted a helper monkey.

Apparently that monkey REALLY likes bubble gum. So much so that he’s willing to follow us around just because I gave him a piece. He also manages to blow a bubble so large it lifted him right off the ground. I’m not sure yet how useful he’ll be, but I guess it’s nice to know I won’t be wandering around alone.

So join us next time as we head south and try to rescue Ness and Paula.

–Day 16–

Our exploration of Threek doesn’t get off to a good start. As soon as we set food outside the hotel in the morning, we were almost instantly attacked by a pair of haunted marionette puppets. With Paula still as weak as she is, there was just no way for her to hold her own against Smilin’ Sam and Handsome Tom.

This simply won’t do. We need to train Paula quickly if we intend to make any progress. It took some time, but we managed to find some enemies that even Paula could survive against, the No Good Fly. These little guys aren’t very common, but they’re at least weak enough that Paula survives the battle. Right now, that’s all we can really hope for to get her some much needed experience.

Death Count: 3

Slowly, and very cautiously, we train Paula up to a decent level. It took a lot of effort, and we both died at one point, but Paula eventually made it up to level 12. That’s still not great, but it’s a lot better than before. At least now she doesn’t die instantly in each battle.

Today was mostly spent training, but we did manage to explore the town a little and pick up some useful information. Apparently, the terrible situation in town can be traced back to the Zombie Relief Corps, led by a monster named Belch.

It would seem the Zombie Relief Corps is using the circus tent in the center of town as their main base of operations. As much as I want to clear the town of their zombie problems, I’m sure Paula simply isn’t up to the task yet, and we’re going to need some more training.

We also hear word that there might be a safe path somewhere in the cemetery to the north of town. Combine that with Paula’s knowledge of another friend in town, as well as the strange texted house from back in the Happy Happy village, I think that might be the path we want to take first. If we can get a third member in the party, we might just stand a chance.

That search is going to have to wait till next time though. So join me as we explore the cemetery and try to find another friend.

–Day 15–

Paula is now officially a member of my party, but before we head off on our adventures we need to stop by Everdred’s house and tell him she’s fine. It looks like he’s already heard the news as well, since he sent someone to the school to find us.

It turns out Everdred was going to ask us to be his partners, but he already knows we would refuse him. He was even going to offer us a lot of money if we accepted. After second guessing himself, he realizes he shouldn’t keep the money anyways and gives it to us to help in our journey.

He hands over a sizable $10,000 and tells us to spend it on whatever we want. He also mentions wanting to find the golden statue for himself. That can’t be a good sign. But hey, we got $10,000, let’s leave before he changes his mind.

Unfortunately for us, there was a bit of a catch to the $10,000 he handed us. It’s not actually money in our pockets. Instead it shows up as an item. Of course, that means we can’t actually keep or use this money. But who needs $10,000 right now?

Of course! The Runaway Brothers are in financial trouble, aren’t they? We never did get to see one of their shows either did we? As it turns out, they seem to have a soft spot for Paula, and they hand us some free back stage passes to see their show tonight.

Then again with the photographer! He’s just popping up everywhere lately! WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?! STOP STALKING ME!!!

Anyway, we use the backstage pass to gain access to the show. Inside the club there are quite a few people seated at tables all waiting to see the show. There are fans, a couple on a date, and even some business men trying to win over a client.

And then there’s this girl who is clearly just a groupie. As soon as she sees our back stage pass, she forces herself into our party and practically drags us back stage to see the band. I’m sure she only has one thing on her mind, if you know what I mean.

Talking with the band, we find out that my previous hunch was right. The brothers happen to be EXACTLY $10,000 in debt. So it looks like we’re going to have to give up that wad of money we just got. I really wanted to buy that seaside cottage back in Onett. Oh well, I’ll make enough money someday.

Well, if we’re going to be paying off their $10,000 debt, we can at least watch the show first. It was a fun little show they performed. There weren’t any lyrics or anything, which was kind of disappointing, but they did a little dance which I guess is going to have to be worth $10,000 to me.

After the show, we head off to talk to their manager and pay off their debt. Goodbye money. The manager seems kind of upset that his star act is free to leave now, but he has no regrets now that he has the money. He probably should have SOME regrets though. $10,000 isn’t going to last long, especially now that he doesn’t even have an act anymore.

After paying off their debt, the whole band shows up to both thank us, and say their farewells to their former manager. All things considered, that was a lot more pleasant that it could have been.

Outside, the whole band is packing up into their tour bus. To show their gratitude, they even offer to give us a lift to Threek. I hope that actually works. The ghosts in the tunnel just turned around the last bus I tried to take.

These guys aren’t the best drivers either. As they drive up onto the sidewalk, I’m a bit scared that I may have made a mistake getting on board. However, their loud music was enough to drive away the ghosts and actually make it through the tunnel.

Now that we’ve made it to Threek, I think I’m regretting that bus ride even more. The whole town has a dark aura about it, and the band is just kind of leaving us here on the side of the road. What have we gotten ourselves into now?

Either way, the town of Threek has a lot for us to explore, and explore we shall. The Runaway Brothers dropped us off towards the bottom of town, so I guess we’ll just start from the bottom and work our way up.

The field to the south of town was our first stop, and it seems to be just filled with caged trailers. The kind you would typically see at a circus. Unfortunately, the field is also full of Zombie Dogs. These guys might be small, and not look like much of a threat, but remember, Paula is still very low level at this point. With her low stats, these Zombie Dogs end up killing her.

With Paula dead, and Ness poisoned, we really need to head to a hospital. I guess we should be grateful that we know where it is. The Band dropped us off right in front of it. Almost like they knew we would need it. So a quick patch job later and everyone is back to normal.

I really should have trained Paula a bit more before coming here. Unfortunately, the ghosts in the tunnel prevent us from heading back to Twoson to fight weaker enemies. We’re just going to have to stay here for now and be extra cautious as we explore and level grind.

So join me next time and we do our best not to die. See you then!

–Day 14–

So last time we got a little lippy with Mr. Carpainter and he shot lighting at us. This time we’re going to take a slightly different approach and just pretend to go along with his plan. Getting through the swarm of Cultists is a bit easier this time, now that we know who will and will not move for us. Now let’s see what Mr. Carpainter has to say this time.

Apparently there is no right answer to this question. Answering yes just prompts him to gloat about catching me in his trap. Then he once again strikes us with lightning and teleports us outside. Looks like I might actually need to rescue Paula first to deal with him.

We were told previously that Paula is being kept in a mountain cabin. However, she’s not in any of the buildings in town. Thankfully, there aren’t a lot of paths OUT of town either. After heading through the cave at the north side of town, we quickly find the mountain cabin where Paula is being held captive.

Inside, Paula is being held behind metal bars which are locked tight. Paula knew we would be coming for her, and she seems relieved to see us. If we hadn’t shown up soon, she would have started crying.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to get her our right now. Mr. Carpainter has the key, and he’s not going to part with it easily. She does however have something to help us, the Franklin Badge. According to Paula, this will help us deal with his lightning attack.

So after a few words of encouragement, it’s time for us to ONCE AGAIN confront Mr. Carpainter. Hopefully this Franklin Badge will work as advertised and stop us from being teleported away.

As soon as we step outside, we’re stopped dead in our tracks by a familiar fat little kid, Porky. It would seem Porky has actually joined the Happy Happyists and we the one responsible for kidnapping Paula. Of course, the fat coward has no plans to fight us himself. Instead he quickly runs off, leaving a group of Cultists behind to slow us down briefly.

The Cultists might now have held us up for long, but it was long enough for Porky to get away. But let’s forget about him, we need to face off against Mr. Carpainter if we want to free Paula. We once again defy him, saying we won’t join his cult. And once again, he uses his lightning attack on us. This time however, it is reflected back at him instead of teleporting us away.

Now it’s time for the real battle to begin, and just as quickly end. Turns out that Franklin Badge was exactly what we needed for this fight. After he performed his first attack, the badge reflected so much damage back at him that he was turned back to normal almost instantly. Kind of anti-climactic, but I won’t complain. A win is a win.

After coming to his senses, Mr. Carpainter reveals he has been acting weird ever since he got his giant statue. He then apologizes for everything he has done and hands over the key to Paula’s jail. Looks like everything is going to be good now, but I can’t help but wonder about the other statue back in Onett.

Anyway, after leaving his office we find out that nearly all the members of the Happy Happy Cult have left. There are only a small handful of truly dedicated members left, and even they admit they probably won’t stay long. In a way, I’m a bit sad about this, they really did give great experience. I should have level grinded more while I had the chance.

Outside, Porky is waiting for us to apologize as well. He claims he was also being influenced, but somehow I just don’t believe him. Especially when he leaves with a “See you, Suckers!” I swear that kid is going to be big trouble soon.

Back at the mountain cabin, it’s time to finally set Paula free. After saying her thanks, she joins my party along with her teddy bear. She claims to have strong psychic powers which will help, however, she is currently only level 1, and is incredibly weak and easy to kill. The trek back to town might be kind of rough.

We take one step outside and that mysterious photographer shows us AGAIN!! He had better become important to the story somehow. Because the mystery of where he comes from is killing me right now.

Anyway, we equip Paula with everything we can get from the local drug store before heading out. In the end it raised her defense from 2 all the way up to 32 once everything was equipped. That certainly made the trip back to town easier. That Teddy Bear also came in real handy, taking most of the damage that would have otherwise killed Paula.

It also helps that someone has repaired the bridge back to town. That cuts the journey back easily in half. This former Cultist has really turned things around and I gladly accept his apology. Now stay out of trouble.

Back home in Twoson, Paula’s parents are thrilled to have her back, and thank Ness multiple times. But it seems they’ve also already accepted her role as one of my party members. Her mother even gives us special band-aids to help on our journey.

Her and her father have a loving farewell talk, and Paula informs us that there is another friend waiting for us in Threek. So they say their goodbyes and we’re ready to hit the road. Well, not quite yet, there are a few other people that would be happy to see Paula back home safely.

That however is going to have to wait till next time. See you then.

–Day 13–

Now that we’ve finally made it to the Happy Happy Village, it’s time to look for Paula. But first we need to explore the town and gather some information. In general, it’s a nice enough little town with only a few buildings and a small handful of residents.

It doesn’t seem to have an official Hotel or Hospital or anything like that. But there is a house where you can spend the night, as well as a doctor working out of his own house. In addition, the town also has a drug store with some decent equipment.

There’s also an odd house on the edge of town that doesn’t really seem to fit in. For one, it’s red instead of blue like all the other houses. But more importantly, the person inside has a very unique font to their dialogue box. They mention something about a friend in the valley behind Threek, but other than that we don’t gain much useful information.

As nice as the town is, you can’t escape the Insane Cultists that founded it. These Cultists closely resemble KKK members with the exception that their robes are a blue color instead of white. Also they seem to be carrying around paint cans for some reason.

While fighting the Cultists, they will frequently call over more members to join in the fight. Thankfully, they are pathetically weak, doing only 2-3 damage with each attack. Another plus is that they give an incredibly large amount of experience given how weak they are. All things considered, these guys are actually really good to level grind with.

In my exploration I did manage to gain a few key pieces of information. First I found out who their leader is, and what their goals are. It would seem a “Mr. Carpainter” is the leader of the cultists, and for some reason he’s trying to spread peace by painting everything blue. That would explain the paint cans the cultists are carrying around. I’m not sure how well that plan will actually work out, but I guess it’s rather harmless as far as cults go.

Next, and quite possibly more importantly, is the location of Paula. According to the masked person at the edge of town, he and an overweight kid kidnapped Paula and have her hidden her away in a mountain cabin. That’s good to know, now we just need to find said mountain cabin. On top of this, we finally know WHY she was kidnapped. Mr. Carpainter believes she can become the goddess of Happy Happyism and help spread their message.

Before we go and rescue Paula, I really think we need to confront Mr. Carpainter first. That means we have to head into the main building in the center of town and demand to see him. However, I wasn’t prepared for the literal army of cultists inside blocking the path.

Thankfully, not all of these cultists are enemies. That would just be torture. Instead, this building acts more as a maze. At first, there is no clear path to the other end of the room, but many of the cultists are willing to move out of the way if you simply ask them to. You might end up fighting a few of them before finding the correct path, but in general it’s not difficult.

Eventually, we do make it to Mr. Carpainter’s office. Right away I noticed the giant gold statue behind him which has a striking resemblance to the one we saw previously back in the hills of Onett. I’m not sure what connection they might have, but I thought I should point it out. Anyway, talking to Mr. Carpainter reveals that he’s actually interested in Paula and I becoming his assistants. Together we can spread Happy Happyism to the whole world.

As the hero of this story, we of course reject his offer. And as you would expect, he doesn’t take that news quite well. He jokingly suggests we can become his left hand if we don’t want to be the right, but immediately follows this up with a threat. Normally, I would expect there to be a boss battle after this exchange, but I should have learned by now not to expect the normal chain of events from this game.

Instead of a boss fight, Mr. Carpainter strikes Ness with a massive lightning attack. The game is as always very forgiving though. Instead of killing our hero you are instead teleported away, landing just outside the hotel house. It looks like rejecting his offer was a bad idea. I hate to do it, but maybe for now we should at least pretend to go along with his plan.

This deception will have to wait for next time though. So join me again as we once again try to get closer to Mr. Carpainter in our attempt to rescue Paula.

–Day 12–

Well, it took us longer than it should have, but we finally have everything we need to get past the Iron Pencil Statue. With that out of the way, we can finally travel deeper into Grateful Dead Valley and hopefully save Paula.

Before we really even start exploring the second half of the Valley, the photographer once again shows up to take our picture. Where does he come from? Where does he go? Why does he insist on taking my picture? We may never know!

Anyway, as is to be expected, Grateful Dead Valley is a bit of a maze to get through. Nothing too complicated of course. But the increasingly difficult enemies beyond the Iron Pencil Statue make it a bit tough. The Valley is already known for its UFO enemies, so the new Spinning Robo enemies aren’t anything out of the ordinary. They’re a bit stronger than the Li’l UFOs we’ve already faced, but not by much.

The real threat however is one I never would have thought of, the Territorial Oak. These enemies are trouble for a few reasons. For one, they look like trees, and it’s easy to walk right into them if you aren’t paying close enough attention. On top of that, their attacks are really strong and quickly drain your health.

The one thing that makes them a truly terrifying threat however is what happens AFTER you defeat them. Unlike most enemies which simply disappear, the Territorial Oak will burst into flames, causing massive damage to Ness, damage in the range of twice Ness’ Max HP.

The only reason these attacks aren’t fatal is because of an interesting mechanic in the game. Your health meter doesn’t update instantly, instead it counts down as you take damage. Because of this, the battle ends before all the damage is calculated, and you end up surviving what should have been a fatal attack. Don’t start feeling too comfortable though, Ness still takes in the area of 60 damage before the battle is won.

Eventually, we make it to a cave at the other end of the Valley. After passing the short distance through there, we arrive at the Happy Happy Village. Paula is being kept somewhere in this village, are it’s up to us to find her.

So join me next time as we search the village for clues about rescuing Paula!

–Day 11–

What else could I possibly do right now that would help me get past that iron pencil statue? For quite some time I was simply wandering around town just talking to and retalking to every person I could find. Someone must know something that will help.

Sadly, talking to everyone I could find brought about no new information. Maybe I’m supposed to clear all the ghosts out of the tunnel myself first so we can get help from the next town over. I was honestly surprised to find out that you can’t fight the ghosts in the tunnel. But unfortunately, that wasn’t what we needed to do right now either. After making it most of the way through the tunnel the ghosts simply teleported Ness back to the beginning, just like they did with the bus.

After another sweep through the town pointlessly talking to people, I decide to go check out the Iron Pencil again. The only new item I have is the receiver phone, and that obviously does nothing. So I’m stuck at this point and have no clue what to do.

Suddenly, my luck changes. Apparently checking out the statue again was exactly what I needed to do. As soon as I get out of the tunnel and back into Twoson, Apple Kid calls us on the receiver phone to tell us he has finished his latest invention. This is exactly the break we were looking for.

Unfortunately Apple Kid isn’t home when I go to talk to him. Where could he be? Thankfully Orange Kid is waiting outside his own house ready to tell me, with some noticeable jealousy in his voice. Apparently Apple Kid has run off to Burglin Park looking for us. So I guess I’ll head up there and start looking for him looking for us as well.

It took me longer than I care to admit to find him in the park, mostly because he’s hiding down in the corner away from all the vendors. I didn’t think to look there. Anyway, Apple Kid has finished his latest invention, the “Pencil Eraser”. This device will eradicate all pencil-shaped figures, which sounds exactly like what I need.

It took longer than I would like to admit, but we’re finally prepared to go rescue Paula. Join me next time as we head deep into Grateful Dead Valley and hopefully reach the Happy Happy Village.

–Day 10–

The journey to Grateful Dead Valley from Twoson isn’t a very long one. In fact, it’s right on the other side of a rather short cave system. Saving Paula is going to be a piece of cake.

On second thought, maybe this is going to be a bit difficult. We aren’t too far into the valley, and already there’s an inconvenience. The bridge is out, so it looks like we’re going to have to take the long way around to the Happy-Happy Village at the other end.

Also, I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there is a lot of UFO activity in the area, making this a rather dangerous place to be. On the plus side, we found out how the Teddy Bear actually helps during battle. While fighting, occasionally the enemy will attack the Teddy Bear instead of Ness. The Teddy Bear actually does have quite a bit of health, but unfortunately it will eventually break and be gone forever. It’s a cool mechanic, but I don’t think it’s something I’ll be wasting my money on. Those Teddy Bears were actually kind of expensive.

Today simply doesn’t seem to be my day for saving Paula. Just a little ways upstream from the broken bridge is another obstacle blocking the path. This time, it’s an “Iron Pencil” statue. Maybe this is what the Suporma is for, I don’t think it will work, but I’m not really sure what else I’m supposed to do to get around this thing.

And just like I thought, no, that didn’t do anything to help me. In fact it doesn’t seem like it did anything at all. After playing a little song, the whole thing just broke. A lot of good that did, I want my $200 back!

Nothing else with me does anything good, so we head back to town to regroup. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do right now. We’ll just have to ask around and see if we can pick up some clues. In the meantime, Ness took a bit of damage in the valley, so we’re going to take a quick nap at the hotel to recover. Coincidentally, this looks like it might have been the right thing to do. While sleeping, Paula reaches out telepathically to Ness again. So that’s good, we at least know she’s still alive, but she doesn’t really give us any new information to help her.

As soon as we leave the Hotel, Paula’s dad goes running by calling out to her. He really is the last person in town to realize she’s been kidnapped, isn’t he? Once again, it seems like this is a good lead, but after catching up to him in front of the Preschool, we really don’t gain any new information. He directs us to Everdred, but Everdred already had nothing new to say to us.

Maybe one of the inventers can make something to help. Orange kid is of no use right now. He doesn’t even offer to fix the Suporma that broke after one use. How about if we give Apple kid some food like he was asking for earlier? Maybe if he gets some food he’ll actually invent something to help us.

After getting some food in his stomach, Apple Kid is quick to ask Ness to invest some money in his inventions. I’m a bit hesitant though, I kind of regret the last $200 I invested, but I don’t have many options at the moment. So once again I invest $200 into the mystery creations of these inventers.

Unlike Orange Kid, Apple Kid has nothing to immediately offer me. However, the mouse living with him blocks the exit to give us a “thank you” present for being so nice to his master. He hands us a Receiver Phone, a device which functions similar to a pager. It can receive messages, but it’s incapable of making any calls itself. That sounds useful in general, but not really all that helpful for our current problem.

Maybe I’m not supposed to go save Paula right away. Maybe I’m supposed to take the bus to Threek first and find help there. Wait a second, One-tt, Two-son, and Three-k? I see what you’re doing game, don’t think I wouldn’t notice. Anyway, let’s take the bus to Threek and see if we can recruit some help over there.

Once again, this is a task which is easier said than done. Apparently the tunnel between Twoson and Threek is full of ghosts. They don’t seem immediately dangerous, however, they have magic ghost powers which turn the bus around and make it impossible to make it to Threek yet. So it looks like we’re stuck here in Twoson for the moment. It also means SOMEONE here in town knows how to help us, we just need to find them.

Join me next time as we comb through Twoson looking for whatever it is we need to get past the Iron Pencil statue. Hang tight Paula, We’re still coming to save you!